Reunited and it feeeels so goooooooood!!! For realsies...how long has it been since I've been able to write anything at all? I'm taking advantage of Chad taking the day off and catching up on some long overdue responses to email and FINALLY posting an update on our crazazy life. As my dear friend Sarah says "Holy cats!!!" It's been over a year since I've posted anything! What have I been doing? Oh wait, raising four kids. FOUR kids, you say? You thought I only had three? Well, you thought right, but in September we added a baby to the mix.
Have I ever told the story of how we got the boys? I tried skimming through to see if I'd written about it, but I can't find it and I'm old (I'm 30 now...ugh) AND I have four kids so I have no memory. Anyway, I used to have the most beautiful convertible that I loved as if it could have been one of my children. It was amazing having the wind in my hair and the sun on my properly sunscreened shoulders. Such bliss :) However, it was el sucko for putting kids in. When we had one foster kid who was five, it was fine..but when we had that baby for a week, or more than two kids...it was useless. I knew the time had come to trade it in for a (gulp) minivan (even now this is painful to talk about. I mean, trading in a hot chick car for a mom mobile??? While I was still in my 20's??? Unthinkable!!) so we got one. Our foster kid was on unsupervised weekend visits at the time so Chad and I were going to go up north to an amazing hotel and spend the weekend after we picked up the van. I called the agency and told them on Thursday that Friday we were getting the van and to call us on Monday with more kids. Twenty minutes later they called us and said they had these two boys who had a sister that was placed elsewhere and could we please take them. Crap. I mean, yay for getting kids, but I REALLY wanted to go to that hotel! (To this day, we have still never been.) Long story short, we got the boys, and eventually their sister, and these are the kids who have become ours forever. I'm glad I didn't turn them down for a weekend on the lake because I would have missed out on three amazing kiddos who make me crazy and fill my heart to the point of bursting with a love like nothing I've ever felt before...all at the same time :)
I say all this to bring up the point that foster kids rarely come at a convenient time. The baby we had for a week came on a day that it was storming, on the evening I had a dance recital for my niece, our foster son was going for his first unsupervised overnight, and on the night before Chad's college graduation...which was taking place on the campus that was over an hour away. And she came with nothing. Like, the smelly outfit she had on and one mismatched outfit in her bag. And a tiny bit of formula. Welcome to our home, baby. Thank goodness for my sister who brought up boxes and boxes of baby clothes for her and for my friend who left bottles on her porch for us and lent us a baby carrier. Our first foster kid was supposed to come to us a couple of days before Christmas. Ummmm, I don't know about you, but I don't happen to keep a fresh supply of gifts around for those "just in case" times. (I will say I did have some friends drop by gifts for him to help us out and my mother would have loved nothing more than some emergency Christmas shopping.). We got two kids on the night before I was having my youth group girls over for a sleepover. We got a respite kid during a week I was leading MAX Camp. Another respite kid came needing a meds refill and on the night I was supposed to be having a friend from out of town over for dinner. I got a call last week to take in a little girl for a couple of weeks that I didn't have anything prepared for and Chad was working third shift so he was leaving for work soon. Thankfully, I tricked another foster parent into taking her, and then she wound up going to a relative anyway ;) And then this little one that we have now...I was supposed to get three afternoons a week to myself this school year. My oldest was in school all day and the younger two had preschool. From noon to three was going to be my time to clean, read my Bible, do my grocery shopping, and even volunteer in their classrooms. Not to mention work on my knitting projects. Deep down I knew it was never going to happen though and I kept telling people God would give us a baby before I got that much free time. I should have taken up bets on it...I'd be rich right now!!! No joke, on the Friday afternoon before the younger two's preschool started, the very day after I had just emailed a friend to rejoice in the fact I was going to have time to get some extra projects done, and the very day that our kids were going to Grandma's house for a couple of nights because it was our anniversary weekend...whilst I was plotting out knitting patterns from some homemade crafty Christmas presents I was going to make for my nieces no less...the phone rang with that special ringtone I had assigned to the agency. Shocker. There was this baby, they said....that was still at the hospital, they told me...would I be interested, they asked...YES!!!!!, I shrieked.
It was a little bit of a blur after that. There were a lot of frantic phone calls for baby supplies and a super frantic phone call to my husband to make sure it was okay to have a baby. You see, he had just started grad school for his MBA on the accelerated program too. Whoops. But he was pretty cool with it. I mean, a baby still at the hospital with seemingly no health complications is the Holy Grail of foster kids. I mean, we loved our kids to pieces, but a baby was something we (mostly me) always wanted. I had recently been feeling a little blue that I had never had the experience of being kept up all night by some screaming, helpless little being. I felt for sure that when my daughter grew up and had kids that she wouldn't be able to call me for help because I had nothing to offer. Yay for me for adopting these kids, but as a Grandma I would be a loser and just as lost as my daughter as to how to calm a crying infant. (I know this sounds incredibly stupid and silly...but these are the things that run through my nutso brain. No worries...I see a therapist and she tells me I'm nuts too. In her professional opinion.)
Anywho, a couple of hours later we got a call confirming the baby was coming into care and was being placed with us. However, they had found out at trial that the baby had some health complications and were we willing to deal with that. I have always said that I would take a baby even if they were blue with purple spots as long as they didn't require a wheelchair because all our bedrooms are upstairs so of course I agreed. Our kids went off with their Grandma for the weekend and we went in a vicious rainstorm to the hospital to meet the baby. Birth mom was still there spending the last little bit of time she could with the baby so we went to Target to give her some time and did a Supermarket Sweep of the baby aisle and bought everrrrrryyyything. A carseat, bottles...which bottles..I don't know, these bottles...I've heard of them and they're cheaper than the other bottles...sounds good. Formula, we need formula. Oh, and a bottle brush. And pacifiers. And sleepers..but what size? How big is this baby...I have no clue...and what the crap, if they're under 8 lbs they need the newborn size still...ugh...what do we do? Sleep sacks!! Genius...No, Chad..that's blue...trust me...you're colorblind, stop smiling like it's some magical pink thing, it's blue....no, that's blue too...so's that...CHAD, frogs, puppies, and dump trucks are boy things, kitties, butterflies, and flowers are girls...duckies are neutral. Yes, that's for a girl but she doesn't need a 9 month size right now...I promise. Let's go check out and head back up to see her...fine, Chad, she can have that toy...you're a sucker for this baby already and you haven't even met her yet, we're screwed.
A million dollars later, and we were back up to the hospital. The birth mom was still there and we didn't want to be those jerks who kicked her out of the room so we could look at the baby we were "taking" from her so we hid in this dark hallway while the nurses told her it was time to go. They had let her stay longer than she was supposed to anyway and man oh man, I love me some nurses. The baby was crying her head off when they came and got us (it had gotten a little emotional) and we walked to where a nurse was holding her. She said "let's give her to foster mom" and unceremoniously plunked this screaming infant into my arms. And there, in the middle of a dim hospital hallway, I fell in love with the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. She was also the loudest baby I had ever heard. She still is, too. But since I am often the loudest person anyone has ever heard, I appreciate her volume. We spent a few hours with her that night and I went shopping for her early the next morning. We took her home that Saturday afternoon. I had never had so little sleep in my life, but it was worth it to me. The next day was my nephew's baptism so we loaded everyone up and took the baby on her first major outing to meet the family. My sister had once again come through with baby clothes (while throwing the party since it was for her son!) and my mom had put on her Super Grandma outfit (that matches the one Chad's mom wears from time to time) and bought everything I hadn't even thought of but most definitely needed for a baby.
Foster kids rarely come at a convenient time. I look back at all the kids we've gotten and I think of all the rescheduling and shuffling and rearranging we've had to do. Sometimes I get put out when I'm thinking about how much work I'm having to do or what I'm missing out on so we can take a placement....and then I think, this kid is getting ripped from their family and placed in a stranger's home. They've got a ton of unfamiliar adults telling them everything's going to be okay and smiling at them in what's supposed to be a reassuring way, but I'm sure is a little scary looking. They rarely get to take any of their favorite things with them and they have no idea what's going on. If anyone is truly inconvenienced by a foster placement, it's the kids. They're the ones who get the short end of the stick in all of this. Yes, the abuse stops for them, and yes, they are no longer hungry or cold or dirty, but their world is turned upside down and they don't yet possess the maturity to comprehend or deal with what is happening. The bright spot in all of this is that the foster parent now gets the chance to show them what true love looks like and hopefully, everything will be okay for them someday :)
Dang...look how much I can babble about when the baby is napping and the hubby is home!!! He should take the day off more often! Hopefully I can add more soon :) It's been a crazy eight months and I have oh so much more to tell.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Reflections
Have I seriously not written anything since NOVEMBER??? Man, time flies when you're adopting three kids!!! So.....we have three kids....they're officially ours and they have our last name and it is absolutely crazy :) I cannot believe it's all done with!
Let's see, what's going on at this very moment...well, my oldest son is getting his pajamas on in his room, my younger son is exhausted and having a meltdown in the tub, and my lovely little daughter just came waltzing into my room and climbed into my bed with me holding her birthday balloon she got from grandma. We're watching Olivia. On Demand is an amazing thing. It's Lizzie's (formerly known as 'Princess') birthday today and she is super excited about it. Not only did she get two toys in her Happy Meal, but she got presents and cake and a bunch of 'happy birthday' phone calls today! She is one happy chick. Two weeks ago it was Max's (formerly known as Little) birthday. He was a super happy kid that day, too. Chad and I were happy on their birthdays because we got to celebrate as an "official" family. We celebrated birthdays with them last year, and even had parties with our extended families, but they still weren't "ours" at that point, and so it just wasn't quite the same. In fact, I've been thinking a lot about what it was like for us a year ago.
Last year, on Max's birthday, I remember there was all this controversy over when we should get to have our party. His birthday was on a Monday and so we wanted to have his party on the Saturday before, since Lizzie's birthday was only a couple of weeks later and we'd be having another party. Well, his birth parents wanted to have their party first, and so they were upset about the arrangement. They were concerned it was sending the wrong message to him, like that we were better so we got to have the first party. I understood where they were coming from, but our agency told them we were keeping our party on the Saturday before, and so we did. We took pictures for them, as they requested, but it was still a "thing" between us. They got to have Max's party supervised at their apartment, though, and so the kids got to go back to their home for the first time in almost a year. That was....interesting. I can't even imagine what it's like inside of a kids' head to go back to your home after you haven't been there for so long and then leave again in a couple of hours and come back to this other home that you've been staying at...all the time knowing that your birth parents keep saying you'll be coming home soon. Hmm. That has to be so confusing...and sad. Well, that was the beginning of the unraveling of Max.
A couple of weeks later, it was Lizzie's turn for a birthday, but because of some issues with their birth parents, they had to have her party at the agency. That went pretty well, and things seemed to settle down a little bit.
And then...it was the now infmaous Mother's Day visit...a.k.a....the last time they saw their birth mom (except for that one time Perry saw her in the parking lot). That was quite a day.
Anyway, I got a little nostalgic because as I was saying 'happy birthday' to my daughter today, she looked up at me and smiled and said, 'thanks, mom' and I started to cry like a wuss and had to leave the room. There is something so nice about the mommy milestone of celebrating my kids' birthdays with them and not having to share them with anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I think there's a part of me that will always feel a little sad that their birth parents are missing out on all of this, but it is just so nice to have this day all to ourselves. No one is expecting pictures of the day so that they can see what we did and no one is accusing us of trying to outdo them and no one is trying to tell us when we can have a party or what we can buy them or how we should do things or what the kids can call us or reminding us that we aren't really their parents...that's all over with and today it was just Chad and I and our kids. Our kids!!! And that, is a beautiful (and long-awaited) thing :)
Chad and I feel so blessed to have our kids and to be their parents. The adoption day was such an exciting and wonderful day and we are so thankful for our agency and all the hard work they put into this case. We are super thankful to all our friends and family for supporting us and praying for us over the past couple of years. But mostly, we are thankful to God for fulfilling His promise to us that we would get to be parents, and for giving us more than we asked for and for keeping our marriage intact the whole time. We are loved people :)
More craziness to come...
Let's see, what's going on at this very moment...well, my oldest son is getting his pajamas on in his room, my younger son is exhausted and having a meltdown in the tub, and my lovely little daughter just came waltzing into my room and climbed into my bed with me holding her birthday balloon she got from grandma. We're watching Olivia. On Demand is an amazing thing. It's Lizzie's (formerly known as 'Princess') birthday today and she is super excited about it. Not only did she get two toys in her Happy Meal, but she got presents and cake and a bunch of 'happy birthday' phone calls today! She is one happy chick. Two weeks ago it was Max's (formerly known as Little) birthday. He was a super happy kid that day, too. Chad and I were happy on their birthdays because we got to celebrate as an "official" family. We celebrated birthdays with them last year, and even had parties with our extended families, but they still weren't "ours" at that point, and so it just wasn't quite the same. In fact, I've been thinking a lot about what it was like for us a year ago.
Last year, on Max's birthday, I remember there was all this controversy over when we should get to have our party. His birthday was on a Monday and so we wanted to have his party on the Saturday before, since Lizzie's birthday was only a couple of weeks later and we'd be having another party. Well, his birth parents wanted to have their party first, and so they were upset about the arrangement. They were concerned it was sending the wrong message to him, like that we were better so we got to have the first party. I understood where they were coming from, but our agency told them we were keeping our party on the Saturday before, and so we did. We took pictures for them, as they requested, but it was still a "thing" between us. They got to have Max's party supervised at their apartment, though, and so the kids got to go back to their home for the first time in almost a year. That was....interesting. I can't even imagine what it's like inside of a kids' head to go back to your home after you haven't been there for so long and then leave again in a couple of hours and come back to this other home that you've been staying at...all the time knowing that your birth parents keep saying you'll be coming home soon. Hmm. That has to be so confusing...and sad. Well, that was the beginning of the unraveling of Max.
A couple of weeks later, it was Lizzie's turn for a birthday, but because of some issues with their birth parents, they had to have her party at the agency. That went pretty well, and things seemed to settle down a little bit.
And then...it was the now infmaous Mother's Day visit...a.k.a....the last time they saw their birth mom (except for that one time Perry saw her in the parking lot). That was quite a day.
Anyway, I got a little nostalgic because as I was saying 'happy birthday' to my daughter today, she looked up at me and smiled and said, 'thanks, mom' and I started to cry like a wuss and had to leave the room. There is something so nice about the mommy milestone of celebrating my kids' birthdays with them and not having to share them with anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I think there's a part of me that will always feel a little sad that their birth parents are missing out on all of this, but it is just so nice to have this day all to ourselves. No one is expecting pictures of the day so that they can see what we did and no one is accusing us of trying to outdo them and no one is trying to tell us when we can have a party or what we can buy them or how we should do things or what the kids can call us or reminding us that we aren't really their parents...that's all over with and today it was just Chad and I and our kids. Our kids!!! And that, is a beautiful (and long-awaited) thing :)
Chad and I feel so blessed to have our kids and to be their parents. The adoption day was such an exciting and wonderful day and we are so thankful for our agency and all the hard work they put into this case. We are super thankful to all our friends and family for supporting us and praying for us over the past couple of years. But mostly, we are thankful to God for fulfilling His promise to us that we would get to be parents, and for giving us more than we asked for and for keeping our marriage intact the whole time. We are loved people :)
More craziness to come...
Monday, November 14, 2011
So much to say...
Sooooo much has happened lately! I don't even know where to begin...it was like, something would happen, and then I would say to myself "oh, I'll write about it tomorrow," but then something else would happen tomorrow and the cycle just went on and on and now I've got a lot to share. So, here we go....
We were supposed to have a super important court date in mid-October. However, the judge's docket was super full and so our case got adjourned for two weeks and was rescheduled for Halloween. I was beyond annoyed, especially because that date had been set since July and it was already pushed out so far because the original date at the end of August was no good due to one of the kids' parents' attorneys being busy that day. Sheesh! Thankfully, we knew beforehand that court wasn't happening and so we didn't have to show up and hear the news.
We waited as patiently as we could, and then the Friday before our new court date, our caseworker came over and had her monthly inspection. She'd brought an intern with her and while he was keeping the kids occupied, she shared some news with us. One of the parents had called and said they wanted to release their rights. (Say what?) Another of the parents also wanted to release their rights and these two parents had appointments to release the morning of court. (Girl, please!) And the third parent had released their rights the day before (SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!!) Naturally, I cried like a lunatic and had to be shushed by our caseworker while Chad calmly patted my arm. It was the most amazing thing I had ever heard of. I mean, we were set to go to court and to have this long, drawn-out trial that was going to require a second day that was going to be scheduled who knows when...and now...we were done. Just craziness!!!
Well, as most of you know, it didn't go quite like it was all planned to. The one parent did, indeed, release their rights on that Monday morning. The other parent did not go to their appointment so Chad and I headed to court fully expecting the parent not to show up there either so that court would be just a formality and we would still get the result we desired that day. We showed up at court and sure enough, the parent didn't show. Then we found out why...they were in the hospital. And because they were intending to release, we couldn't have the termination hearing. So, we got our third adjournment. I took it horribly. I was ticked, and all anyone wanted to keep telling me was that it was okay and that nothing had changed and that we still had the kids in our house. But the fact that nothing had changed was the whole problem to me! We went to court that day expecting a change and we got nothing! And the new court date was three weeks away! It was one of the most frustrating days I've ever had.
So, a week or so later, we got a phone call from our caseworker. The parent had been released from the hospital and had gone and signed their papers :) Can you say, 'woot woot?'
The next day, I went to a meeting with Big's dad, our caseworker, and Big's therapist to talk about Big's dad's future involvement in his life. Chad and I agreed a long time ago that Big should still be able to see his dad because the only reason they're not together now is because his dad is a little slow and can't really take care of Big. He loves him and the two have a good bond, and so it's sad to see them having to separate from one another. We've all agreed that it's best for Big to not see his dad until after he is formally adopted by us and so we scheduled Big's final visits. It was a very emotional meeting and I am floored by Big's dad's graciousness to us. He is a much bigger person than I am...he has expressed no anger or jealousy towards us...only kindness and gratitude. That night, we went to a foster parent training class and met our adoption worker. She's really nice and it totally made all of this real :)
Today, Big had his second to last visit with his dad. It was a shorter visit, too, and I felt like I was taking a sheep to slaughter bringing him up there. He was so excited to see his dad and I couldn't warn him and I just felt awful because I knew that once he was there his dad was going to have to tell him that he couldn't see him anymore and he only had one visit left. Big handled it pretty well, he was pretty confused but he did get emotional when he saw his dad cry. Afterwards, I cried like a frickin baby when I was talking to Big in the car and all I could say was that I was sorry and this wasn't his fault. His final visit on Friday is going to be far worse. Chad and I have to go to the final half an hour of the visit so that Big's dad can essentially hand him over to us. How miserable. And, we get to go through it all over again in a couple of weeks with the other parents.
I know it's for the best and I know they'll get over it, but it's hard to sit in the moment and feel like anything other than crying and sleeping. This is the part of foster care I never really thought about and it's really really hard. It's hard to see my kid cry because he can't see his dad anymore. It's hard to see him get his heart broken and it's hard to see his dad get his heart broken too.
To end on a happy note for all of you who like things to get tied up nicely, we got our adoption packet today. It has our letters of intent in it and I'm looking forward to signing those papers tonight. We're hoping to have the adoptions finalized in six months or so, and have no fear, we'll have a humongous party when we're done :) For now, though, we're just looking forward to putting the next few weeks behind us.
More to come...
We were supposed to have a super important court date in mid-October. However, the judge's docket was super full and so our case got adjourned for two weeks and was rescheduled for Halloween. I was beyond annoyed, especially because that date had been set since July and it was already pushed out so far because the original date at the end of August was no good due to one of the kids' parents' attorneys being busy that day. Sheesh! Thankfully, we knew beforehand that court wasn't happening and so we didn't have to show up and hear the news.
We waited as patiently as we could, and then the Friday before our new court date, our caseworker came over and had her monthly inspection. She'd brought an intern with her and while he was keeping the kids occupied, she shared some news with us. One of the parents had called and said they wanted to release their rights. (Say what?) Another of the parents also wanted to release their rights and these two parents had appointments to release the morning of court. (Girl, please!) And the third parent had released their rights the day before (SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!!) Naturally, I cried like a lunatic and had to be shushed by our caseworker while Chad calmly patted my arm. It was the most amazing thing I had ever heard of. I mean, we were set to go to court and to have this long, drawn-out trial that was going to require a second day that was going to be scheduled who knows when...and now...we were done. Just craziness!!!
Well, as most of you know, it didn't go quite like it was all planned to. The one parent did, indeed, release their rights on that Monday morning. The other parent did not go to their appointment so Chad and I headed to court fully expecting the parent not to show up there either so that court would be just a formality and we would still get the result we desired that day. We showed up at court and sure enough, the parent didn't show. Then we found out why...they were in the hospital. And because they were intending to release, we couldn't have the termination hearing. So, we got our third adjournment. I took it horribly. I was ticked, and all anyone wanted to keep telling me was that it was okay and that nothing had changed and that we still had the kids in our house. But the fact that nothing had changed was the whole problem to me! We went to court that day expecting a change and we got nothing! And the new court date was three weeks away! It was one of the most frustrating days I've ever had.
So, a week or so later, we got a phone call from our caseworker. The parent had been released from the hospital and had gone and signed their papers :) Can you say, 'woot woot?'
The next day, I went to a meeting with Big's dad, our caseworker, and Big's therapist to talk about Big's dad's future involvement in his life. Chad and I agreed a long time ago that Big should still be able to see his dad because the only reason they're not together now is because his dad is a little slow and can't really take care of Big. He loves him and the two have a good bond, and so it's sad to see them having to separate from one another. We've all agreed that it's best for Big to not see his dad until after he is formally adopted by us and so we scheduled Big's final visits. It was a very emotional meeting and I am floored by Big's dad's graciousness to us. He is a much bigger person than I am...he has expressed no anger or jealousy towards us...only kindness and gratitude. That night, we went to a foster parent training class and met our adoption worker. She's really nice and it totally made all of this real :)
Today, Big had his second to last visit with his dad. It was a shorter visit, too, and I felt like I was taking a sheep to slaughter bringing him up there. He was so excited to see his dad and I couldn't warn him and I just felt awful because I knew that once he was there his dad was going to have to tell him that he couldn't see him anymore and he only had one visit left. Big handled it pretty well, he was pretty confused but he did get emotional when he saw his dad cry. Afterwards, I cried like a frickin baby when I was talking to Big in the car and all I could say was that I was sorry and this wasn't his fault. His final visit on Friday is going to be far worse. Chad and I have to go to the final half an hour of the visit so that Big's dad can essentially hand him over to us. How miserable. And, we get to go through it all over again in a couple of weeks with the other parents.
I know it's for the best and I know they'll get over it, but it's hard to sit in the moment and feel like anything other than crying and sleeping. This is the part of foster care I never really thought about and it's really really hard. It's hard to see my kid cry because he can't see his dad anymore. It's hard to see him get his heart broken and it's hard to see his dad get his heart broken too.
To end on a happy note for all of you who like things to get tied up nicely, we got our adoption packet today. It has our letters of intent in it and I'm looking forward to signing those papers tonight. We're hoping to have the adoptions finalized in six months or so, and have no fear, we'll have a humongous party when we're done :) For now, though, we're just looking forward to putting the next few weeks behind us.
More to come...
Friday, September 16, 2011
Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the poop of my foster son...
I don't even know where to begin. What. A. Week. I mean, seriously...it's like each day got progressively worse until BLAMMO---it's wackadoo Friday where anything can happen...and anything DID happen! Let's just start at the beginning....
Monday was a pretty normal day. Big went to school and Little had an open house for Head Start which begins in THREE days...woot woot! He's beyond excited and he will show anyone available his shiny new backpack.
Tuesday I had a training conference for foster care all stinkin day. Thankfully, my dad came up and watch Little and Princess so that I could go. I was really nervous about going because I was afraid I'd run into the foster parents who took care of Princess while we were transitioning a kid back to his birth mom and didn't have room for her at our home. I don't think I shared this story with all of you, but these people are not fans of us...mostly me. They really wanted to adopt her, and had gotten some bad information on the boys that led them to believe that she couldn't live with them anymore, and so when it came time to start transitioning her into our home, they were less than thrilled. It got kind of ugly, with a lot of really horrible things being said about me and the boys, but thankfully I work for an agency that knows me and sticks up for me! There's just a lot of hurt feelings there still, so I was really worried. And wouldn't you just stinkin know it, but I was scrambling to find a seat in my first class and was just sliding into a chair as the instructor started talking, and wound up sitting right smack next to them. Awkward!!! It was a pretty tense couple of hours, but I was nice and tried chatting with them. And there was a bonus about two minutes into the class when a friendly face popped out from the other side of the foster mom...at least I got to know that someone in the room liked me! The foster dad wound up being in the rest of my classes that day. Needless to say, we didn't sit by each other after that. Later, I got to take my dad up to the agency with me while I dropped off Big to see his dad and my dad got to meet Big's dad. It was a little weird, but nice that my dad got to get a taste of what life is like for me.
Wednesday I got a call from the agency about half an hour before Big's visit saying that his mom was in the office and that I had to bring Big around the back when I dropped him off. Because of an order from the judge from a few months ago, they're not allowed to have any contact right now. I was thankful for the call, becasue a couple of weeks ago I wound up running into her in the parking lot and having a lovely chat with her while Big stayed in the car, but it was sad at the same time because I have to keep my kid away from his mom in order to protect him. It's abnormal, for sure. And no matter how I try to explain it, it's always going to come out in a way that hurts him and makes him sad.
Thursday was hard. Big had the most physically aggressive outburst I've ever seen from him and he took it out on me, but mostly on Little. It was awful, and scary, and wild...and somehow my keys wound up under the passenger seat and it took me forever to find them! After he'd calmed down a bit and snoozed in the car (We were out in Grand Ledge when all this happened. If you saw me in the parking lot of Meijer, I hope you weren't too embarrassed to admit you knew me.), he told me that he was upset because he hasn't seen his mom in so long and he misses her. Ugh. How do I always forget that they are in the middle of breaking a bond that God created? How do I always look past the fact that, at least for the older two, they have got to be so confused by what is going on right now? The poor kid was just sobbing, too. So, we got home and after dinner they drew some pictures for their mom and that seemed to help them. Big was up half the night though with a stomach ache from all the crying. He's only six and he's seen more and dealt with more than I have in all my twenty-eight years of life. There's something not right about that.
Well, let's move it to today. Friday. Mystery meat Friday. I think I've mentioned to you before that Little has a knack for pooping his pants and hiding it in interesting places? Have I also mentioned to you that there is a hole in the wall of their room from them slamming the door open so much and that I even patched it once but they've popped the patch through the wall so I've vowed not to fix it again until the destruction phase is over? Well, put two and two together, and figure out where Little told Chad he hid the poop today. Yup, that's right, in the wall. I called our caseworker. I was like, "Look...he's coming to stay with you for a few days, okay?" Seriously, IN THE WALL?! So, after my mom and my sister convinced me that I couldn't leave the poop there (I wasn't really going to...I just was hoping that maybe I was overreacting just this once.), we arranged with Chad's brother to patch the hole up on Monday for us and then Chad proceeded to cut into the wall and make the once small hole, huge. I was fixing dinner when I heard him yell for Little and so I assumed that he'd located the scud and was calling the kid in for removal. But, no. Instead, I heard Chad asking where the poop really was. That's right, there was no poop in the wall. There were a million little toys, and the Vick's vapor rub that we've been looking for, but no poop. Little smiled and climbed under his bed and pulled out a wadded up pair of poop filled underwear. I picked him up and sat him on his dresser for a bit while I vacuumed the drywall dust from the carpet. It helped.
Tomorrow we pick up the pack and play from Chad's mom's house for Little to sleep in for a few nights (her idea, and a good one!). Chad's brother is still coming over Monday to fix the unnecessary hole in the wall. I wonder what the rest of the weekend will bring...but for now, ice cream :)
Monday was a pretty normal day. Big went to school and Little had an open house for Head Start which begins in THREE days...woot woot! He's beyond excited and he will show anyone available his shiny new backpack.
Tuesday I had a training conference for foster care all stinkin day. Thankfully, my dad came up and watch Little and Princess so that I could go. I was really nervous about going because I was afraid I'd run into the foster parents who took care of Princess while we were transitioning a kid back to his birth mom and didn't have room for her at our home. I don't think I shared this story with all of you, but these people are not fans of us...mostly me. They really wanted to adopt her, and had gotten some bad information on the boys that led them to believe that she couldn't live with them anymore, and so when it came time to start transitioning her into our home, they were less than thrilled. It got kind of ugly, with a lot of really horrible things being said about me and the boys, but thankfully I work for an agency that knows me and sticks up for me! There's just a lot of hurt feelings there still, so I was really worried. And wouldn't you just stinkin know it, but I was scrambling to find a seat in my first class and was just sliding into a chair as the instructor started talking, and wound up sitting right smack next to them. Awkward!!! It was a pretty tense couple of hours, but I was nice and tried chatting with them. And there was a bonus about two minutes into the class when a friendly face popped out from the other side of the foster mom...at least I got to know that someone in the room liked me! The foster dad wound up being in the rest of my classes that day. Needless to say, we didn't sit by each other after that. Later, I got to take my dad up to the agency with me while I dropped off Big to see his dad and my dad got to meet Big's dad. It was a little weird, but nice that my dad got to get a taste of what life is like for me.
Wednesday I got a call from the agency about half an hour before Big's visit saying that his mom was in the office and that I had to bring Big around the back when I dropped him off. Because of an order from the judge from a few months ago, they're not allowed to have any contact right now. I was thankful for the call, becasue a couple of weeks ago I wound up running into her in the parking lot and having a lovely chat with her while Big stayed in the car, but it was sad at the same time because I have to keep my kid away from his mom in order to protect him. It's abnormal, for sure. And no matter how I try to explain it, it's always going to come out in a way that hurts him and makes him sad.
Thursday was hard. Big had the most physically aggressive outburst I've ever seen from him and he took it out on me, but mostly on Little. It was awful, and scary, and wild...and somehow my keys wound up under the passenger seat and it took me forever to find them! After he'd calmed down a bit and snoozed in the car (We were out in Grand Ledge when all this happened. If you saw me in the parking lot of Meijer, I hope you weren't too embarrassed to admit you knew me.), he told me that he was upset because he hasn't seen his mom in so long and he misses her. Ugh. How do I always forget that they are in the middle of breaking a bond that God created? How do I always look past the fact that, at least for the older two, they have got to be so confused by what is going on right now? The poor kid was just sobbing, too. So, we got home and after dinner they drew some pictures for their mom and that seemed to help them. Big was up half the night though with a stomach ache from all the crying. He's only six and he's seen more and dealt with more than I have in all my twenty-eight years of life. There's something not right about that.
Well, let's move it to today. Friday. Mystery meat Friday. I think I've mentioned to you before that Little has a knack for pooping his pants and hiding it in interesting places? Have I also mentioned to you that there is a hole in the wall of their room from them slamming the door open so much and that I even patched it once but they've popped the patch through the wall so I've vowed not to fix it again until the destruction phase is over? Well, put two and two together, and figure out where Little told Chad he hid the poop today. Yup, that's right, in the wall. I called our caseworker. I was like, "Look...he's coming to stay with you for a few days, okay?" Seriously, IN THE WALL?! So, after my mom and my sister convinced me that I couldn't leave the poop there (I wasn't really going to...I just was hoping that maybe I was overreacting just this once.), we arranged with Chad's brother to patch the hole up on Monday for us and then Chad proceeded to cut into the wall and make the once small hole, huge. I was fixing dinner when I heard him yell for Little and so I assumed that he'd located the scud and was calling the kid in for removal. But, no. Instead, I heard Chad asking where the poop really was. That's right, there was no poop in the wall. There were a million little toys, and the Vick's vapor rub that we've been looking for, but no poop. Little smiled and climbed under his bed and pulled out a wadded up pair of poop filled underwear. I picked him up and sat him on his dresser for a bit while I vacuumed the drywall dust from the carpet. It helped.
Tomorrow we pick up the pack and play from Chad's mom's house for Little to sleep in for a few nights (her idea, and a good one!). Chad's brother is still coming over Monday to fix the unnecessary hole in the wall. I wonder what the rest of the weekend will bring...but for now, ice cream :)
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sanctuary!!!
I'm currently enjoying some much needed coffee out of my fabulous new mug. How did I get this mug? Well, Big decided a couple Saturday mornings ago that I needed flowers (smart boy!) and he would not budge on the issue so he and Chad went to the flower shop and got me an arrangement in a yellow coffee mug with a big smiley face on it. Why this particular arrangement? Because Big knows that I like coffee and he thought the smiley face would make me happy every time I drank from it. In fact, just now, as I was sitting down with my mug to type this, he asked me if I was happy yet from the mug. I'm not sure if he's trying to imply that I'm generally a crab....but I'll take it that he was being sweet :) Although, I wouldn't be all that shocked if he was accusing me of crabiness because I have been quite the grouch lately. We're getting ever closer to an ultimate decision being made in the case, and with it comes insane amounts of stress and craziness that could make even a Stepford wife crack! Want a taste of the crazy life? Here was my week last week:
Monday through Friday I was directing MAX Camp at my Church building. I was thinking we wouldn't have very many kids for some crazy reason, but we ended up with about ninety. Sheesh! Talk about awesome!
Monday I got a phone call from the agency while I was supposed to be registering kids for camp and it was our caseworker calling to say that Big's therapy was canceled for the day and also that his grandma was requesting a visit and both the grandma and his dad thought it would be best if she could have a separate visit. Could we do Thursday at five? Sure! Then came another call from Little's therapist (have I mentioned he's in therapy now? It alternates between our house and a playroom at St. V's.) She was stuck working at a golf outing and couldn't make it. Could she do Thursday at five, I asked? Sure! (I'm no dummy!)
Tuesday I got a call from our caseworker while I was supposed to be registering kids again and this time it was to tell me that the visit for the kids that day was canceled for some really lame and old reason. Whatever.
Wednesday Big got feisty at lunch because his dad told him at his visit on Monday that he would be seeing his grandma this week and he was convinced it was going to be that day and I had to tell him that it was going to be tomorrow. However, it explained the mystery of the "special visit" he kept alluding to. I got a call from my caseworker while I was in the waiting room of the eye doctor telling me that she wasn't sure if grandma knew of the visit the next day and we might need to reschedule. We talked about how Big already knew of the visit and I learned his dad had mentioned this to him before the visit was even approved. Good intentions and all, right?
Thursday I got a call from the caseworker saying that grandma couldn't meet that night. Seriously? She wants to meet during the day on Friday. Nope...I'm running a camp...I'm a little busy. Can we do Friday at three? Sure. Then I had a minor meltdown about how now I had to take Little up there that evening and then Big the next day--anNOYing!!! But then Little's therapist called and said we needed to reschedule (again). Could she do tomorrow at three? She could. YES!!!!
Thursday evening I got a call from the caseworker and from the tone in her voice, I just knew it. The grandma had showed up anyway. Furreal. I had just finished making dinner and Chad was dishing it up and so I offered to run Big up there right then for the visit but grandma was already gone because she could only stay until six. But wait, there's more. Grandma also can't meet at three the next day. She even called someone while at the agency to see if she could make it work, but she couldn't. She could only meet from noon til one. My camp went until 12:30. sigh. Our only other option is to reschedule for next week. But I had already told Big on Wednesday that his visit would be Thursday and then told him that afternoon that it would be Friday and had to survive yet another freak out so there was no way in the world I was making him wait any longer. So we settled for Friday at noon. Which meant I had to leave camp early on the last day. And then I'd have to have Little up there at three still. Which meant I made a horrible crying phone call to my friend Mary who is also the Children's Minister, to explain everything. And then another desperate call to Little's therapist's voicemail to beg for a noon appointment. And then Chad took one look at me and told me to go do whatever I wanted so I made one more phone call to my sister to beg sanctuary at her house for a bit, which I did. Ahh.
This story has a somewhat happy ending though. Friday morning, Little's therapist called and granted the noon appointment. Chad got out of work about ten and came up to camp and picked up the boys and took them to their appointments for me. I got to stay at camp. And when I walked in that morning, there was a lovely arrangment of flowers from my beloved Tiffany in D.C. Phew! Isn't that a wonderful ending? It's like, craziness, craziness, craziness...God's grace....just when you need it.
That week totally affirmed two rules of mine though: 1. Answer the phone whenever the agency calls. They only ever call with something important that I need to hear. This is why they have a special ringer on my phone and everything. It would be so much easier to let their calls go to voicemail when I'm busy, but they're so busy, I could call them right back and they would probably be away from their desk already and then you're just playing phone tag. I hate phone tag.
2. Never tell the kids about a visit until you're already on your way there and you know the person is coming. This pretty much goes for any visit, but especially the 'special' visits. This whole week would have been easier if Big's dad hadn't tried to be helpful and tell him about the grandma visit because I could've just rescheduled it until this week and he would have been none the wiser. Instead, I had to tell him twice that he had to wait another day and he didn't take it very well. This isn't the first time that something like this has happened and so that rule has served me well. I also never tell the kids they're having a visit with their parents until it's been confirmed for the very same reason. We've had a lot of canceled visits lately and there's no point in trying to make the kids happy by telling them they have a visit only to come back in a few hours and tell them you were wrong.
Now it's Monday again and I'm just waiting for the phone to start ringing and all the craziness to start over. I'm super thankful for my husband and my family and friends who let me behave badly towards all of them while I struggle to handle all the stress. They put up with a lot from me and I really appreciate it :) Hopefully, in a couple of months, some things will change and I will have a lot less things to get rearranged. For now though, we'll keep chugging along. The kids are having a hard time with all of this too (can we say Big stabbed Little in the face with his fork after a particularly rancid visit? mhmm) but I'm learning better ways to help them with everything, and camp was a really good distraction for them last week. And can I just say that school starts in three weeks? Big will be in first grade this year and Little just got accepted to Head Start so he will be gone in the mornings. I know it sounds harsh, but I'm really looking forward to the space. Ha, I'll probably be happy for a week and then I'll miss them and want them back home :)
Well, that was my week. Hope you enjoyed the exclusive inside look ;) Now I'm off to wrestle with the crazy monkey children!
Monday through Friday I was directing MAX Camp at my Church building. I was thinking we wouldn't have very many kids for some crazy reason, but we ended up with about ninety. Sheesh! Talk about awesome!
Monday I got a phone call from the agency while I was supposed to be registering kids for camp and it was our caseworker calling to say that Big's therapy was canceled for the day and also that his grandma was requesting a visit and both the grandma and his dad thought it would be best if she could have a separate visit. Could we do Thursday at five? Sure! Then came another call from Little's therapist (have I mentioned he's in therapy now? It alternates between our house and a playroom at St. V's.) She was stuck working at a golf outing and couldn't make it. Could she do Thursday at five, I asked? Sure! (I'm no dummy!)
Tuesday I got a call from our caseworker while I was supposed to be registering kids again and this time it was to tell me that the visit for the kids that day was canceled for some really lame and old reason. Whatever.
Wednesday Big got feisty at lunch because his dad told him at his visit on Monday that he would be seeing his grandma this week and he was convinced it was going to be that day and I had to tell him that it was going to be tomorrow. However, it explained the mystery of the "special visit" he kept alluding to. I got a call from my caseworker while I was in the waiting room of the eye doctor telling me that she wasn't sure if grandma knew of the visit the next day and we might need to reschedule. We talked about how Big already knew of the visit and I learned his dad had mentioned this to him before the visit was even approved. Good intentions and all, right?
Thursday I got a call from the caseworker saying that grandma couldn't meet that night. Seriously? She wants to meet during the day on Friday. Nope...I'm running a camp...I'm a little busy. Can we do Friday at three? Sure. Then I had a minor meltdown about how now I had to take Little up there that evening and then Big the next day--anNOYing!!! But then Little's therapist called and said we needed to reschedule (again). Could she do tomorrow at three? She could. YES!!!!
Thursday evening I got a call from the caseworker and from the tone in her voice, I just knew it. The grandma had showed up anyway. Furreal. I had just finished making dinner and Chad was dishing it up and so I offered to run Big up there right then for the visit but grandma was already gone because she could only stay until six. But wait, there's more. Grandma also can't meet at three the next day. She even called someone while at the agency to see if she could make it work, but she couldn't. She could only meet from noon til one. My camp went until 12:30. sigh. Our only other option is to reschedule for next week. But I had already told Big on Wednesday that his visit would be Thursday and then told him that afternoon that it would be Friday and had to survive yet another freak out so there was no way in the world I was making him wait any longer. So we settled for Friday at noon. Which meant I had to leave camp early on the last day. And then I'd have to have Little up there at three still. Which meant I made a horrible crying phone call to my friend Mary who is also the Children's Minister, to explain everything. And then another desperate call to Little's therapist's voicemail to beg for a noon appointment. And then Chad took one look at me and told me to go do whatever I wanted so I made one more phone call to my sister to beg sanctuary at her house for a bit, which I did. Ahh.
This story has a somewhat happy ending though. Friday morning, Little's therapist called and granted the noon appointment. Chad got out of work about ten and came up to camp and picked up the boys and took them to their appointments for me. I got to stay at camp. And when I walked in that morning, there was a lovely arrangment of flowers from my beloved Tiffany in D.C. Phew! Isn't that a wonderful ending? It's like, craziness, craziness, craziness...God's grace....just when you need it.
That week totally affirmed two rules of mine though: 1. Answer the phone whenever the agency calls. They only ever call with something important that I need to hear. This is why they have a special ringer on my phone and everything. It would be so much easier to let their calls go to voicemail when I'm busy, but they're so busy, I could call them right back and they would probably be away from their desk already and then you're just playing phone tag. I hate phone tag.
2. Never tell the kids about a visit until you're already on your way there and you know the person is coming. This pretty much goes for any visit, but especially the 'special' visits. This whole week would have been easier if Big's dad hadn't tried to be helpful and tell him about the grandma visit because I could've just rescheduled it until this week and he would have been none the wiser. Instead, I had to tell him twice that he had to wait another day and he didn't take it very well. This isn't the first time that something like this has happened and so that rule has served me well. I also never tell the kids they're having a visit with their parents until it's been confirmed for the very same reason. We've had a lot of canceled visits lately and there's no point in trying to make the kids happy by telling them they have a visit only to come back in a few hours and tell them you were wrong.
Now it's Monday again and I'm just waiting for the phone to start ringing and all the craziness to start over. I'm super thankful for my husband and my family and friends who let me behave badly towards all of them while I struggle to handle all the stress. They put up with a lot from me and I really appreciate it :) Hopefully, in a couple of months, some things will change and I will have a lot less things to get rearranged. For now though, we'll keep chugging along. The kids are having a hard time with all of this too (can we say Big stabbed Little in the face with his fork after a particularly rancid visit? mhmm) but I'm learning better ways to help them with everything, and camp was a really good distraction for them last week. And can I just say that school starts in three weeks? Big will be in first grade this year and Little just got accepted to Head Start so he will be gone in the mornings. I know it sounds harsh, but I'm really looking forward to the space. Ha, I'll probably be happy for a week and then I'll miss them and want them back home :)
Well, that was my week. Hope you enjoyed the exclusive inside look ;) Now I'm off to wrestle with the crazy monkey children!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The time has come!
The day has arrived!!! Remember how I said that they warned us of kids using the bathroom outside our bedroom door?????? It's not quite the same, but Little peed AND pooped on his bedroom carpet today. On separate occasions. First poop, and then pee. And why? First he "didn't know" and then because "he felt like it." Chad thinks that he might have done it because when we're at the pool at his aunt's house, Little gets to pee in the wild by the pine trees and so maybe he's thinking that if he doesn't want to stop playing he can just pull down and go wherever he is, but I'm not convinced. I think it's a choice. He did something similar on Sunday. In fact, here's what happened in my house Sunday night after I got home from Youth Sunday School:
Chad: "Hey. Dustin's stuff is in the washer because I'm pretty sure he pulled down his pants and just peed all over his bed."
Me: "What the heck? Seriously?"
Chad: "I don't know what's going on with that kid. I swear he pooped too because it smelled like it, but I looked in his pull-up and I didn't see anything."
Me: "If it smelled like he pooped, he probably did. I'll check after I use the bathroom."
(This isn't nearly as exciting as I thought it would be...but hold on...it gets better.)
Me: (in the downstairs bathroom) "Chad...who the heck used this bathroom last? They frickin' peed all over the frickin' seat!!!"
Chad: *big ginourmous sigh* "Big"
Me: "Awesome. Because I just sat in it and that's disgusting."
And let me tell you it was alllllllll over the seat. Like he just decided to power wash the seat with his pee to see what it looked like or something. So, I go upstairs and open the door to the boys' room and I am instantly hit with this wall of poop smell. It reminded me of this time I got a cat from a cat rescue place and my sister and I were driving it home and hit a similar wall of smell from the cat pooping in its cage and we were literally idling down the road because we were laughing so hard because it smelled so bad. It was a similar wall of poop smell that I walked into, but somehow, this time, I didn't see it as being so funny. So I turned on the light and there, under Little's bed, is a giant turd. The child had pooped in his pull-up and decided to just reach in and pull out his poop so that he wouldn't have to be bothered with the uncomfortableness of it while he slept. So I grabbed some toilet paper for him to pick it up with, but he just picked it up with is BARE HANDS and put it in the toilet. Barf, gag, grossness!!!! He did the same thing today with the poop on the floor! Why is he doing this?! He told me earlier his belly hurt, and I asked him if he had to go poop and to go and try and instead of going and trying, he just decided to keep playing and poop and let it drop out of his pants as it may. And then tonight while I was at a camp meeting, he peed all over the carpet in his room. This is making me crazy. And their room stinks.
Chad: "Hey. Dustin's stuff is in the washer because I'm pretty sure he pulled down his pants and just peed all over his bed."
Me: "What the heck? Seriously?"
Chad: "I don't know what's going on with that kid. I swear he pooped too because it smelled like it, but I looked in his pull-up and I didn't see anything."
Me: "If it smelled like he pooped, he probably did. I'll check after I use the bathroom."
(This isn't nearly as exciting as I thought it would be...but hold on...it gets better.)
Me: (in the downstairs bathroom) "Chad...who the heck used this bathroom last? They frickin' peed all over the frickin' seat!!!"
Chad: *big ginourmous sigh* "Big"
Me: "Awesome. Because I just sat in it and that's disgusting."
And let me tell you it was alllllllll over the seat. Like he just decided to power wash the seat with his pee to see what it looked like or something. So, I go upstairs and open the door to the boys' room and I am instantly hit with this wall of poop smell. It reminded me of this time I got a cat from a cat rescue place and my sister and I were driving it home and hit a similar wall of smell from the cat pooping in its cage and we were literally idling down the road because we were laughing so hard because it smelled so bad. It was a similar wall of poop smell that I walked into, but somehow, this time, I didn't see it as being so funny. So I turned on the light and there, under Little's bed, is a giant turd. The child had pooped in his pull-up and decided to just reach in and pull out his poop so that he wouldn't have to be bothered with the uncomfortableness of it while he slept. So I grabbed some toilet paper for him to pick it up with, but he just picked it up with is BARE HANDS and put it in the toilet. Barf, gag, grossness!!!! He did the same thing today with the poop on the floor! Why is he doing this?! He told me earlier his belly hurt, and I asked him if he had to go poop and to go and try and instead of going and trying, he just decided to keep playing and poop and let it drop out of his pants as it may. And then tonight while I was at a camp meeting, he peed all over the carpet in his room. This is making me crazy. And their room stinks.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Glub Glub
I fed my kids Chef Boyardee and pudding for lunch. The 'Mother of the Year' award should be arriving at my door any moment...
There are days where I feel like I live in a fish tank. And not just because I write a blog and post it up on facebook for everyone to read ;) There are just a lot of people involved in my life and they all want to know everything that's going on. Caseworkers, therapists (for the kids...although, frankly, I could use one too some days), licensing agents, and a lawyer for the kids...they're all involved and they're all asking questions. How are the kids doing? What are they like before and after visits? When was the last time Chad and I went out? Do we have enough help? Can we schedule a home visit? Can you change the day of this appointment? How did you handle this situation? And then what happened? And then what did you say to that?
Now, they do more than just ask quesions. They listen to me when I am frustrated and they encourage me and thank me like crazy. And I love that they're so interested in my personal life, like making sure Chad and I go out on dates and encouraging me to send the kids off to other people for afternoons and stuff, but it's quite a bit of information to be handing out all the time. A couple of weeks ago, I had to talk to three different people about the fact that Big has been peeing his pants during visits with his dad. He's not nervous or anything, he just doesn't want to stop playing to use the bathroom so he holds it until he can't anymore. And he's also in the habit of telling me he doesn't have to use the bathroom when I ask him to go. **Side note: This is totally "normal" behavior for foster kids. When Chad and I were going through our training, they kept telling us to be prepared for kids who would poop outside our bedroom door. No joke. Crap in my hallway when I wake up--this is what I had to look forward to. This is because the kids feel so out of control and like they have no say in anything going on in their lives, which is true, and so they try and control what they can. Some kids develop eating disorders. And some kids control their bladder and just let it all go when and where they want to. Now, I have never woken up to poop in the hall. However, the other day, Chad got Little up from a nap and discovered that Little had pooped his pants and tried to hide the turd-filled undies under his bed. And this morning, I was literally standing on his poopy pull-up from last night that he had taken off and laid in the middle of his bedroom floor because it was making him uncomfortable. Do those count? Big has peed all over my bathroom a couple of times out of anger...that was interesting...thankfully the bath mats sopped up most of it. Anyway, I'm not surprised Big is refusing to go to the bathroom when I tell him to. With how crazy everything has been lately, he needs to feel in charge of something. He did the same thing when we first got him a year ago, except then he would fly into a huge rage. Never knew the urge to pee could get so interesting, did you?** That was a very long side note. Okay, so I had to tell three people about the peeing in the pants stuff. What a way to spend a Monday afternoon. We all came to the same conclusion that the child needs to stay indoors for awhile and avoid the playground until he can control his bladder. It did not go over well...with Big or with his dad...but what can you do? If you're going to let a kid keep on playing outside for an HOUR after he pees his pants on a semi-public playground where there are a bunch of little kidlets also playing..well, you get what you get.
Seriously, enough of the pee talk. Life around here has gotten pretty feisty again. The stress of not seeing their mom has made the boys get a little wild. Big is starting to have some big ole freakouts that give me flashbacks of all of last summer. I think my head will explode if I have to go through another summer of all that jazz. And Little is starting to follow in his brother's footsteps. The poor lil guy can hardly relax. Last night, he was yelling at Chad that we were keeping him from seeing his mom. He's only three! Sheesh! It's wild...and it's sad. Chad handled it all really well but you could tell it bothered him to hear Little say that. It's hard sometimes to hear the kids say the stuff that they do. You'd like to think that because you know the majortity of it comes from stress and anxiety, the words will just roll off your back and won't bother you. Like you'll be able to just let them vent and not take any of the insults in because you know they're hurting and they just need to get it all out and they don't really mean it all...but that's not the case. It hurts. If a kid tells you enough times to 'shut up' or that they 'don't care' or they call you 'stupid,' it's going to make you feel pretty crappy. *sigh* Ice cream helps though :) At least there's ice cream.
Seriously though, we love our kids. I know I whine and complain about stuff, but we wouldn't trade them in for everything. I wish certain things would be different, but in the end, I'd rather have all this craziness than no kids at all. And there are definitely enough good moments to balance out the bad. Princess is now telling us she loves us and can do so many more things on her own. Little calls everything 'beautiful' now. Yesterday, he came running into the living room to show me the picture he'd just colored, yelling 'it's beautiful...it's beautiful!' It was so cute :) And Big is all about helping these days. He is the most proud child in the world because he can get ice water for all the kids. All he needs is a stool and our fridge and he's set. It is imPRESSive!
That's all I have time to share today...the minions will be getting up soon and then we're off on some fabulous errand running. We know how to really whoop it up, don't we?
There are days where I feel like I live in a fish tank. And not just because I write a blog and post it up on facebook for everyone to read ;) There are just a lot of people involved in my life and they all want to know everything that's going on. Caseworkers, therapists (for the kids...although, frankly, I could use one too some days), licensing agents, and a lawyer for the kids...they're all involved and they're all asking questions. How are the kids doing? What are they like before and after visits? When was the last time Chad and I went out? Do we have enough help? Can we schedule a home visit? Can you change the day of this appointment? How did you handle this situation? And then what happened? And then what did you say to that?
Now, they do more than just ask quesions. They listen to me when I am frustrated and they encourage me and thank me like crazy. And I love that they're so interested in my personal life, like making sure Chad and I go out on dates and encouraging me to send the kids off to other people for afternoons and stuff, but it's quite a bit of information to be handing out all the time. A couple of weeks ago, I had to talk to three different people about the fact that Big has been peeing his pants during visits with his dad. He's not nervous or anything, he just doesn't want to stop playing to use the bathroom so he holds it until he can't anymore. And he's also in the habit of telling me he doesn't have to use the bathroom when I ask him to go. **Side note: This is totally "normal" behavior for foster kids. When Chad and I were going through our training, they kept telling us to be prepared for kids who would poop outside our bedroom door. No joke. Crap in my hallway when I wake up--this is what I had to look forward to. This is because the kids feel so out of control and like they have no say in anything going on in their lives, which is true, and so they try and control what they can. Some kids develop eating disorders. And some kids control their bladder and just let it all go when and where they want to. Now, I have never woken up to poop in the hall. However, the other day, Chad got Little up from a nap and discovered that Little had pooped his pants and tried to hide the turd-filled undies under his bed. And this morning, I was literally standing on his poopy pull-up from last night that he had taken off and laid in the middle of his bedroom floor because it was making him uncomfortable. Do those count? Big has peed all over my bathroom a couple of times out of anger...that was interesting...thankfully the bath mats sopped up most of it. Anyway, I'm not surprised Big is refusing to go to the bathroom when I tell him to. With how crazy everything has been lately, he needs to feel in charge of something. He did the same thing when we first got him a year ago, except then he would fly into a huge rage. Never knew the urge to pee could get so interesting, did you?** That was a very long side note. Okay, so I had to tell three people about the peeing in the pants stuff. What a way to spend a Monday afternoon. We all came to the same conclusion that the child needs to stay indoors for awhile and avoid the playground until he can control his bladder. It did not go over well...with Big or with his dad...but what can you do? If you're going to let a kid keep on playing outside for an HOUR after he pees his pants on a semi-public playground where there are a bunch of little kidlets also playing..well, you get what you get.
Seriously, enough of the pee talk. Life around here has gotten pretty feisty again. The stress of not seeing their mom has made the boys get a little wild. Big is starting to have some big ole freakouts that give me flashbacks of all of last summer. I think my head will explode if I have to go through another summer of all that jazz. And Little is starting to follow in his brother's footsteps. The poor lil guy can hardly relax. Last night, he was yelling at Chad that we were keeping him from seeing his mom. He's only three! Sheesh! It's wild...and it's sad. Chad handled it all really well but you could tell it bothered him to hear Little say that. It's hard sometimes to hear the kids say the stuff that they do. You'd like to think that because you know the majortity of it comes from stress and anxiety, the words will just roll off your back and won't bother you. Like you'll be able to just let them vent and not take any of the insults in because you know they're hurting and they just need to get it all out and they don't really mean it all...but that's not the case. It hurts. If a kid tells you enough times to 'shut up' or that they 'don't care' or they call you 'stupid,' it's going to make you feel pretty crappy. *sigh* Ice cream helps though :) At least there's ice cream.
Seriously though, we love our kids. I know I whine and complain about stuff, but we wouldn't trade them in for everything. I wish certain things would be different, but in the end, I'd rather have all this craziness than no kids at all. And there are definitely enough good moments to balance out the bad. Princess is now telling us she loves us and can do so many more things on her own. Little calls everything 'beautiful' now. Yesterday, he came running into the living room to show me the picture he'd just colored, yelling 'it's beautiful...it's beautiful!' It was so cute :) And Big is all about helping these days. He is the most proud child in the world because he can get ice water for all the kids. All he needs is a stool and our fridge and he's set. It is imPRESSive!
That's all I have time to share today...the minions will be getting up soon and then we're off on some fabulous errand running. We know how to really whoop it up, don't we?
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