Sooooo much has happened lately! I don't even know where to begin...it was like, something would happen, and then I would say to myself "oh, I'll write about it tomorrow," but then something else would happen tomorrow and the cycle just went on and on and now I've got a lot to share. So, here we go....
We were supposed to have a super important court date in mid-October. However, the judge's docket was super full and so our case got adjourned for two weeks and was rescheduled for Halloween. I was beyond annoyed, especially because that date had been set since July and it was already pushed out so far because the original date at the end of August was no good due to one of the kids' parents' attorneys being busy that day. Sheesh! Thankfully, we knew beforehand that court wasn't happening and so we didn't have to show up and hear the news.
We waited as patiently as we could, and then the Friday before our new court date, our caseworker came over and had her monthly inspection. She'd brought an intern with her and while he was keeping the kids occupied, she shared some news with us. One of the parents had called and said they wanted to release their rights. (Say what?) Another of the parents also wanted to release their rights and these two parents had appointments to release the morning of court. (Girl, please!) And the third parent had released their rights the day before (SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!!) Naturally, I cried like a lunatic and had to be shushed by our caseworker while Chad calmly patted my arm. It was the most amazing thing I had ever heard of. I mean, we were set to go to court and to have this long, drawn-out trial that was going to require a second day that was going to be scheduled who knows when...and now...we were done. Just craziness!!!
Well, as most of you know, it didn't go quite like it was all planned to. The one parent did, indeed, release their rights on that Monday morning. The other parent did not go to their appointment so Chad and I headed to court fully expecting the parent not to show up there either so that court would be just a formality and we would still get the result we desired that day. We showed up at court and sure enough, the parent didn't show. Then we found out why...they were in the hospital. And because they were intending to release, we couldn't have the termination hearing. So, we got our third adjournment. I took it horribly. I was ticked, and all anyone wanted to keep telling me was that it was okay and that nothing had changed and that we still had the kids in our house. But the fact that nothing had changed was the whole problem to me! We went to court that day expecting a change and we got nothing! And the new court date was three weeks away! It was one of the most frustrating days I've ever had.
So, a week or so later, we got a phone call from our caseworker. The parent had been released from the hospital and had gone and signed their papers :) Can you say, 'woot woot?'
The next day, I went to a meeting with Big's dad, our caseworker, and Big's therapist to talk about Big's dad's future involvement in his life. Chad and I agreed a long time ago that Big should still be able to see his dad because the only reason they're not together now is because his dad is a little slow and can't really take care of Big. He loves him and the two have a good bond, and so it's sad to see them having to separate from one another. We've all agreed that it's best for Big to not see his dad until after he is formally adopted by us and so we scheduled Big's final visits. It was a very emotional meeting and I am floored by Big's dad's graciousness to us. He is a much bigger person than I am...he has expressed no anger or jealousy towards us...only kindness and gratitude. That night, we went to a foster parent training class and met our adoption worker. She's really nice and it totally made all of this real :)
Today, Big had his second to last visit with his dad. It was a shorter visit, too, and I felt like I was taking a sheep to slaughter bringing him up there. He was so excited to see his dad and I couldn't warn him and I just felt awful because I knew that once he was there his dad was going to have to tell him that he couldn't see him anymore and he only had one visit left. Big handled it pretty well, he was pretty confused but he did get emotional when he saw his dad cry. Afterwards, I cried like a frickin baby when I was talking to Big in the car and all I could say was that I was sorry and this wasn't his fault. His final visit on Friday is going to be far worse. Chad and I have to go to the final half an hour of the visit so that Big's dad can essentially hand him over to us. How miserable. And, we get to go through it all over again in a couple of weeks with the other parents.
I know it's for the best and I know they'll get over it, but it's hard to sit in the moment and feel like anything other than crying and sleeping. This is the part of foster care I never really thought about and it's really really hard. It's hard to see my kid cry because he can't see his dad anymore. It's hard to see him get his heart broken and it's hard to see his dad get his heart broken too.
To end on a happy note for all of you who like things to get tied up nicely, we got our adoption packet today. It has our letters of intent in it and I'm looking forward to signing those papers tonight. We're hoping to have the adoptions finalized in six months or so, and have no fear, we'll have a humongous party when we're done :) For now, though, we're just looking forward to putting the next few weeks behind us.
More to come...
