Glub Glub

I fed my kids Chef Boyardee and pudding for lunch.  The 'Mother of the Year' award should be arriving at my door any moment...

There are days where I feel like I live in a fish tank.  And not just because I write a blog and post it up on facebook for everyone to read ;)  There are just a lot of people involved in my life and they all want to know everything that's going on.  Caseworkers, therapists (for the kids...although, frankly, I could use one too some days), licensing agents, and a lawyer for the kids...they're all involved and they're all asking questions.  How are the kids doing?  What are they like before and after visits?  When was the last time Chad and I went out?  Do we have enough help?  Can we schedule a home visit?  Can you change the day of this appointment?  How did you handle this situation?  And then what happened?  And then what did you say to that? 
Now, they do more than just ask quesions.  They listen to me when I am frustrated and they encourage me and thank me like crazy.  And I love that they're so interested in my personal life, like making sure Chad and I go out on dates and encouraging me to send the kids off to other people for afternoons and stuff, but it's quite a bit of information to be handing out all the time.  A couple of weeks ago, I had to talk to three different people about the fact that Big has been peeing his pants during visits with his dad.  He's not nervous or anything, he just doesn't want to stop playing to use the bathroom so he holds it until he can't anymore.  And he's also in the habit of telling me he doesn't have to use the bathroom when I ask him to go.  **Side note:  This is totally "normal" behavior for foster kids.  When Chad and I were going through our training, they kept telling us to be prepared for kids who would poop outside our bedroom door.  No joke.  Crap in my hallway when I wake up--this is what I had to look forward to.  This is because the kids feel so out of control and like they have no say in anything going on in their lives, which is true, and so they try and control what they can.  Some kids develop eating disorders.  And some kids control their bladder and just let it all go when and where they want to.  Now, I have never woken up to poop in the hall.  However, the other day, Chad got Little up from a nap and discovered that Little had pooped his pants and tried to hide the turd-filled undies under his bed.  And this morning, I was literally standing on his poopy pull-up from last night that he had taken off and laid in the middle of his bedroom floor because it was making him uncomfortable.  Do those count?  Big has peed all over my bathroom a couple of times out of anger...that was interesting...thankfully the bath mats sopped up most of it.  Anyway, I'm not surprised Big is refusing to go to the bathroom when I tell him to.  With how crazy everything has been lately, he needs to feel in charge of something.  He did the same thing when we first got him a year ago, except then he would fly into a huge rage.  Never knew the urge to pee could get so interesting, did you?** That was a very long side note.  Okay, so I had to tell three people about the peeing in the pants stuff.  What a way to spend a Monday afternoon.  We all came to the same conclusion that the child needs to stay indoors for awhile and avoid the playground until he can control his bladder.  It did not go over well...with Big or with his dad...but what can you do?  If you're going to let a kid keep on playing outside for an HOUR after he pees his pants on a semi-public playground where there are a bunch of little kidlets also playing..well, you get what you get.  
Seriously, enough of the pee talk.  Life around here has gotten pretty feisty again.  The stress of not seeing their mom has made the boys get a little wild.  Big is starting to have some big ole freakouts that give me flashbacks of all of last summer.  I think my head will explode if I have to go through another summer of all that jazz.  And Little is starting to follow in his brother's footsteps.  The poor lil guy can hardly relax.  Last night, he was yelling at Chad that we were keeping him from seeing his mom.  He's only three!  Sheesh!  It's wild...and it's sad.  Chad handled it all really well but you could tell it bothered him to hear Little say that.  It's hard sometimes to hear the kids say the stuff that they do.  You'd like to think that because you know the majortity of it comes from stress and anxiety, the words will just roll off your back and won't bother you.  Like you'll be able to just let them vent and not take any of the insults in because you know they're hurting and they just need to get it all out and they don't really mean it all...but that's not the case.  It hurts.  If a kid tells you enough times to 'shut up' or that they 'don't care' or they call you 'stupid,' it's going to make you feel pretty crappy.  *sigh*  Ice cream helps though :)  At least there's ice cream.
Seriously though, we love our kids.  I know I whine and complain about stuff, but we wouldn't trade them in for everything.  I wish certain things would be different, but in the end, I'd rather have all this craziness than no kids at all.  And there are definitely enough good moments to balance out the bad.  Princess is now telling us she loves us and can do so many more things on her own.  Little calls everything 'beautiful' now.  Yesterday, he came running into the living room to show me the picture he'd just colored, yelling 'it's beautiful...it's beautiful!'  It was so cute :)  And Big is all about helping these days.  He is the most proud child in the world because he can get ice water for all the kids.  All he needs is a stool and our fridge and he's set.  It is imPRESSive!  
That's all I have time to share today...the minions will be getting up soon and then we're off on some fabulous errand running.  We know how to really whoop it up, don't we? 

Hi, my name is...

Sometimes I wonder what people think when they see Chad and I out with the kids.  If they're just looking at us, I assume most people think they're ours--I'm forever hearing about how much Little looks like Chad.  But then when people are listening to us...it's gotta be confusing.  I'm 'Melissa,' 'Lissa,' and 'mommy' at any given moment.  Sometimes a kid will call me two of those names in the same minute.  The other day, I was playing in the backyard with the kids and the boys were calling me a little bit of everything and I started to think about how it doesn't even phase me anymore. 
When we first got the boys (and when we first get any kids, for that matter), we always refer to ourselves as Chad and Melissa.  I'd feel weird having them call us 'mom' and 'dad' right away.  However, when the kids get more comfortable with us, it's all fair game.  They kind of start calling us whatever they want on their own.  We had a boy one time that would call me 'mom' whenever we were out in public.  It really freaked me out at first, but then I realized it was only happening when we were out, and then it started to make sense.  He needed to feel 'normal' around other people.  That's a little sad, dontcha think?  He was five and he already knew he wasn't like everyone else.
Our kids that we have now could have given me an identity crisis.  Am I mom?  Am I Melissa?  WHO AM IIIII????  hahahaha...that was a bit dramatic :)  Honestly, I'm hardly phased by the name flip-flopping anymore.  I used to think that if they called me 'mom' and then went back to 'Melissa' that they must not like me as much now.  (I know that's just crazy talk, but these are honestly the things that rattle around in my head.)  Now I realize that they'll call me what they like and it really just depends on how they're feeling and I need to just let them do it.  The hardest part was pretending like I didn't notice the first few times they tried out the 'mommy' on me.  Princess only calls us mommy and daddy and Little calls me mommy about 90% of the time but Big was very rarely calling me anything other than 'Melissa' until recently.  A few weeks ago they stopped seeing their mom.  Some stuff went down and the judge agreed it's in their best interest to suspend her visits for the time being.  Their mom has never been thrilled with the kids calling us anything other than our 'real' names and has gotten after them in front of Chad about it.  But now that they don't see her, Big is calling me mommy a lot more.  Now, Chad kinda just gets called 'Chad' a lot, but his daddy quota has gone up quite a bit lately too.
The whole thing fascinates me a bit.  I'd love to know if there has ever been a study done on it.  I don't know what precisely it is that I'm so intrigued by, but the whole 'name game' is definitely a thing that makes me go 'hmmmmm.'  And it gets even better when we go places and people know they're our foster kids.  They'll say something to the kids like, 'go give that to your, um, ummm...' and then they'll turn to Chad or I and ask, 'What do they call you?'  If only I knew what to tell them! 
I stinkin' love our kids and I love that as we've grown closer to them, they've grown more comfortable with calling us those special names.  I have long dreamt of the day when I'd have some sticky little kid call me 'mommy' and I can truly say that the thrill of the reality has far exceeded the expectation of my dreams.  I cannot wait for the day when I get to make that title official :)
**For all of you who closely follow our crazy lives, we have a very important court date tomorrow.  If anyone from our agency happens to question you about this (ya know, because they totally will...random), I did not tell you it's tomorrow.  That, and a bunch of other stuff in this post would be too personal to share, but we do indeed have one tomorrow.  It's a biggie and we love when people pray for us, so please do.**