Sometimes I wonder what people think when they see Chad and I out with the kids. If they're just looking at us, I assume most people think they're ours--I'm forever hearing about how much Little looks like Chad. But then when people are listening to us...it's gotta be confusing. I'm 'Melissa,' 'Lissa,' and 'mommy' at any given moment. Sometimes a kid will call me two of those names in the same minute. The other day, I was playing in the backyard with the kids and the boys were calling me a little bit of everything and I started to think about how it doesn't even phase me anymore.
When we first got the boys (and when we first get any kids, for that matter), we always refer to ourselves as Chad and Melissa. I'd feel weird having them call us 'mom' and 'dad' right away. However, when the kids get more comfortable with us, it's all fair game. They kind of start calling us whatever they want on their own. We had a boy one time that would call me 'mom' whenever we were out in public. It really freaked me out at first, but then I realized it was only happening when we were out, and then it started to make sense. He needed to feel 'normal' around other people. That's a little sad, dontcha think? He was five and he already knew he wasn't like everyone else.
Our kids that we have now could have given me an identity crisis. Am I mom? Am I Melissa? WHO AM IIIII???? hahahaha...that was a bit dramatic :) Honestly, I'm hardly phased by the name flip-flopping anymore. I used to think that if they called me 'mom' and then went back to 'Melissa' that they must not like me as much now. (I know that's just crazy talk, but these are honestly the things that rattle around in my head.) Now I realize that they'll call me what they like and it really just depends on how they're feeling and I need to just let them do it. The hardest part was pretending like I didn't notice the first few times they tried out the 'mommy' on me. Princess only calls us mommy and daddy and Little calls me mommy about 90% of the time but Big was very rarely calling me anything other than 'Melissa' until recently. A few weeks ago they stopped seeing their mom. Some stuff went down and the judge agreed it's in their best interest to suspend her visits for the time being. Their mom has never been thrilled with the kids calling us anything other than our 'real' names and has gotten after them in front of Chad about it. But now that they don't see her, Big is calling me mommy a lot more. Now, Chad kinda just gets called 'Chad' a lot, but his daddy quota has gone up quite a bit lately too.
The whole thing fascinates me a bit. I'd love to know if there has ever been a study done on it. I don't know what precisely it is that I'm so intrigued by, but the whole 'name game' is definitely a thing that makes me go 'hmmmmm.' And it gets even better when we go places and people know they're our foster kids. They'll say something to the kids like, 'go give that to your, um, ummm...' and then they'll turn to Chad or I and ask, 'What do they call you?' If only I knew what to tell them!
I stinkin' love our kids and I love that as we've grown closer to them, they've grown more comfortable with calling us those special names. I have long dreamt of the day when I'd have some sticky little kid call me 'mommy' and I can truly say that the thrill of the reality has far exceeded the expectation of my dreams. I cannot wait for the day when I get to make that title official :)
**For all of you who closely follow our crazy lives, we have a very important court date tomorrow. If anyone from our agency happens to question you about this (ya know, because they totally will...random), I did not tell you it's tomorrow. That, and a bunch of other stuff in this post would be too personal to share, but we do indeed have one tomorrow. It's a biggie and we love when people pray for us, so please do.**
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