My husband just asked me if I'd written a new post recently and I told him that's what I'm doing right now and he asked if it was going to be about how awesome he is...and then he flexed his muscles. Oh boy. To be honest, he IS pretty awesome...he's currently doing a load of dishes. I mean, who doesn't love a husband who does that!!! But, sadly, this is not all about him and his awesomeness. Maybe some other day, Chad.
Alright, on to regular stuff. Next Saturday (February 5) from 1:00-6:00 P.M. I'll be at the STVCC booth at the Lansing Women's Expo converting people into foster parents. Woot woot!!! Women aren't even going to know what hit them. So if you want to come see what foster care/adoption is all about....I would love to show you :) Don't worry, I won't make you leave with a kid or anything...I promise ;)
When they asked me to help work the booth, I instantly thought of two things:
1. What am I going to wear?
2. What am I going to say to people?
Well, the clothing situation worked itself out. But the speaking part...I mean...I pretty much always start crying when I tell people about the kids these days. Motherhood has turned me into a bit of a blubbering pansy. And I'm pretty sure that the people at St. V's aren't asking me to come and cry at their table for five hours, so I started thinking of some of the funny things that the kids have done. And then I landed on the best and probably most inappropriate story that ever happened to us and that I will most likely not be sharing next weekend because it's a little personal but I, for some reason, feel TOTALLY comfortable sharing on here. Are ya ready? Some of you already know this one...
Okay, so originally when we got the kids, we just got Big and Little first because we had another boy who was going home soon and we didn't have room for Princess. The boys came with just a couple of laundry bags full of clothes and a couple of stuffed animals...no toys or anything and the other kid we had was not always very good about sharing so Big was kinda upset a lot at first that he didn't really have any toys (that he wanted). One of the very first nights we had them, we were tucking the boys in and when Chad and I came in the room, Big shoved his hands under the blankets real quick. You know, like how kids do it when they're trying to secretly play with something they're not supposed to have. I asked him what he had and he kept telling me 'nothing' but I knew better so I pulled back the blanket and guess what I found? Well, let's just say it was "that time of the month" for me and let's just say I apparently had not done a good enough job of wrapping something up and let's just say that Big had, indeed, found an applicator in the garbage and was playing with it in his bed, because, ya know, it's kinda like a rocket thing!!!! OH. MY. LAND. I don't think I've ever been at such a loss for words!!! I was DYing!!! Chad pretty much left the room at that point. I grabbed the "toy" away from Big and told him "Do you know what this is? It's not a toy! It's been in my (and here I paused for half a second and caught myself from saying the v-word to a little kid but not long enough to catch myself from saying...)butt! (then I caught myself again) TOUCHED my butt! It's TOUCHED my butt!" I've never seen anyone's eyes get as big as Big's did and, after he washed his hands, he stopped playing in our garbage and I started super reinforcing my garbage once a month so we'd never have to repeat that again.
It's quite possibly my most hilarious anecdote about anything and for sure my most hilarious about foster care, but again, I'm not quite sure it's entirely appropriate for strangers. It does show though, that kids who don't have much are desparate for something to play with and will, indeed, play with just about anything. And it shows that kids who are neglected are not above digging in the garbage for entertainment. So I'm still searching for what to say to people next week but I'm thinking that it'll just come to me. Hopefully it won't be anything too embarrassing or that makes me cry. Something between the range of tears and tampons...that shouldn't be too hard to come up with, right?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Oy to the Vey
Oh, how I wish I could post a picture of what the kids are doing right now! I'm pretty sure it's every parents dream for a morning where mommy is just plain over it. No joke, Little and Princess are lying on the couch with pillows and blankets because Little has announced that "I ti-ahd!" I'm not going to lie, it's bliss...so I'm stealing this opportunity to tell you that we have had QUITE the week...and it's only Thursday morning. Oy to the Vey.
I drove 103.3 miles on Monday taking the children to school, babysitters, and appointments. It was a very long day with short little stops at home here and there and it ended with me buying out the turnovers from Arby's in order to survive the last hour of errands. Princess' carseat has never been stickier. Oh wait, that wasn't the end. The end was when Chad announced he found the source of the mysterious stink in our house...our sewere cap thingy in the front yard needed to be snaked. Barf. Tuesday was a visit day and it started out rough for Big and just continued on that way. After the visit, things got ugly. Big had such a meltdown that I wound up having to hold onto him for a long time...something I haven't had to do since the summer. He finally calmed down long enough to eat and while he was having dinner, Princess came over to give him a hug and Big just started crying. He looked so miserable and I asked him what was wrong and he just wailed "I miss my daaaadddd!" Ugh. The poor kid has not seen his dad for a few months now and we're not exactly sure when he'll get to see him again and it's just so hard on him. I think one of the downsides of foster care is that you're not always allowed to tell the kids what's really going on. You get to love them like they're your own, but you don't always get to treat them that way. You have to be a little deceptive and I don't like that. I don't like pretending I don't know what's going on when I do. I would much rather be straight with Big but I can't and I know I can't because he's not "my" kid, he's not "normal" and he doesn't process information like the "average" kid...hence the outbursts. On top of that, my caseworker and Big's mom would probably kill me ;)
Anywho, Tuesday was also our quiet night so things perked up after that. I'm excited for the challenge this year. For all you who read this that don't attend our Church, every year our pastor presents us with a Spiritual Discipline Challenge. Sometimes it's a book, sometimes we have to get off our butts and do stuff and this year it's to have one quiet night a week where there are no cell phones, tv, video games, facebook...nothing. Just you and your families enjoying each other's company. The kids can still play with their toys but we're encouraged to play with them more and to spend some quality time together. I have to admit, it was pretty awesome. It was just what I needed after the craziness of the evening and Chad and I had a great conversation and I got to read for awhile...it was lovely <3
Anywho, Wednesday was okay...just long. And today, Little has decided he'd like to yell...a lot. It's just one of those weeks. I can't really blame the kids for being ornery. They don't sleep well after a visit day and it just takes a little time to get all their little feelings out and get back to normal. I can't even imagine what it's like to be inside their heads. Some days/weeks are better than others and we're just trying to take it all in stride (trying being the opeartive word there. I'm medicating with a little chocolate today). I know they're anxious. I mean, they never really know when they're going to get to see their parents or which one is going to be there. There's no stability for them-even in a scheduled weekly visit. It's just garbage. It seems like the only thing they can be sure of is that they'll be disappointed again soon. It's sad, but it's their reality-and the reality of so many other foster kids out there whose parents just aren't doing the things they need to be doing all the time. I remember when I was taking the kids for a visit one time that there was another foster mom there who had brought her foster child up for his final visit with his parents because they had lost their rights and the birth dad didn't even show up. It was heartbreaking. Can you even imagine knowing it was the last time you were going to see your dad and then he didn't even come?
There needs to be more foster parents out there to love these children through these tough times. And there need to be more adoptive parents out there who refuse to pass over these kids just because they're a little troubled. It's not their fault they're this way and they deserve loving parents and a good home just as much as the next kid-and maybe even a little bit more so because of all the hurt they've gone through. Trust me, everytime they unexpectedly give you a hug and tell you they love you or look at you for a second and then smile and say 'mama'...they'll win you right over. Both of those things happened to me today, and I've gotta tell ya...it made my week :)
I drove 103.3 miles on Monday taking the children to school, babysitters, and appointments. It was a very long day with short little stops at home here and there and it ended with me buying out the turnovers from Arby's in order to survive the last hour of errands. Princess' carseat has never been stickier. Oh wait, that wasn't the end. The end was when Chad announced he found the source of the mysterious stink in our house...our sewere cap thingy in the front yard needed to be snaked. Barf. Tuesday was a visit day and it started out rough for Big and just continued on that way. After the visit, things got ugly. Big had such a meltdown that I wound up having to hold onto him for a long time...something I haven't had to do since the summer. He finally calmed down long enough to eat and while he was having dinner, Princess came over to give him a hug and Big just started crying. He looked so miserable and I asked him what was wrong and he just wailed "I miss my daaaadddd!" Ugh. The poor kid has not seen his dad for a few months now and we're not exactly sure when he'll get to see him again and it's just so hard on him. I think one of the downsides of foster care is that you're not always allowed to tell the kids what's really going on. You get to love them like they're your own, but you don't always get to treat them that way. You have to be a little deceptive and I don't like that. I don't like pretending I don't know what's going on when I do. I would much rather be straight with Big but I can't and I know I can't because he's not "my" kid, he's not "normal" and he doesn't process information like the "average" kid...hence the outbursts. On top of that, my caseworker and Big's mom would probably kill me ;)
Anywho, Tuesday was also our quiet night so things perked up after that. I'm excited for the challenge this year. For all you who read this that don't attend our Church, every year our pastor presents us with a Spiritual Discipline Challenge. Sometimes it's a book, sometimes we have to get off our butts and do stuff and this year it's to have one quiet night a week where there are no cell phones, tv, video games, facebook...nothing. Just you and your families enjoying each other's company. The kids can still play with their toys but we're encouraged to play with them more and to spend some quality time together. I have to admit, it was pretty awesome. It was just what I needed after the craziness of the evening and Chad and I had a great conversation and I got to read for awhile...it was lovely <3
Anywho, Wednesday was okay...just long. And today, Little has decided he'd like to yell...a lot. It's just one of those weeks. I can't really blame the kids for being ornery. They don't sleep well after a visit day and it just takes a little time to get all their little feelings out and get back to normal. I can't even imagine what it's like to be inside their heads. Some days/weeks are better than others and we're just trying to take it all in stride (trying being the opeartive word there. I'm medicating with a little chocolate today). I know they're anxious. I mean, they never really know when they're going to get to see their parents or which one is going to be there. There's no stability for them-even in a scheduled weekly visit. It's just garbage. It seems like the only thing they can be sure of is that they'll be disappointed again soon. It's sad, but it's their reality-and the reality of so many other foster kids out there whose parents just aren't doing the things they need to be doing all the time. I remember when I was taking the kids for a visit one time that there was another foster mom there who had brought her foster child up for his final visit with his parents because they had lost their rights and the birth dad didn't even show up. It was heartbreaking. Can you even imagine knowing it was the last time you were going to see your dad and then he didn't even come?
There needs to be more foster parents out there to love these children through these tough times. And there need to be more adoptive parents out there who refuse to pass over these kids just because they're a little troubled. It's not their fault they're this way and they deserve loving parents and a good home just as much as the next kid-and maybe even a little bit more so because of all the hurt they've gone through. Trust me, everytime they unexpectedly give you a hug and tell you they love you or look at you for a second and then smile and say 'mama'...they'll win you right over. Both of those things happened to me today, and I've gotta tell ya...it made my week :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
These ties that bind...
Chad and I have a pretty good system. The kids have a two hour visit these days and so when Chad can get out of work on time, we drop the kids off together and then we go out for dinner while they're visiting. On weeks when he can't get out on time, then I drop off the kids and he picks them up so that we each get a little bit of alone time. It's pretty awesome :)
The other week though, when Chad got home from picking up the kids, he was a little sad because Princess didn't want to come to him. Usually, after a visit, she clings to her mom a little bit and doesn't want to come to me but she'll go to Chad. That week, she didn't even want to go to Chad. The man was heartbroken! We're not disillusioned about who her parents are or anything...we know our role. And I reminded him that she doesn't really have a bad memory of her experience at home. For her, she's got a good memory of her parents...Big is the one with the bad memories. I mean, she's the baby and the only girl so she gets doted on whenever she's around her mom. So for Princess, it really is a little traumatic, despite how much she loves us. It's still a bummer though...I have to admit it. The first time she didn't want to come to me, a little piece of my heart was crushed too. *sigh*
It's crazy to see how bonded kids are to their biological parents despite having to be taken away from them. It doesn't matter what the situation is they came from, they'd rather be with their parents than anywhere else. We had these kids whose parent pretty much just gave up on them...packed up their things and was done with them. And the "things" the kids had had to remain on my porch overnight so I could freeze to death anything that might be living in their stuff. (That was a first and hopefully "only" for me!) You would think they'd be thrilled to be out of that situation...thrilled to have a hot bath and a nice warm bed...they were up half the night crying out for their mother. I mean, just screaming for mommy. (Consequently, I was up half the night crying too.) We've had kids who were left alone in their homes and who didn't have proper nutrition or clean places to live and they too desired to be with their parents. Even kids who had been smacked around some and who knew that was wrong...they still wished to be home. They were even willing to lie to cover stuff up so that their parents wouldn't get into trouble. They'd rather be home in the midst of all that craziness and wrongdoing than separated from their parents because that bond is just natural. Children are naturally bonded to their birthparents. Like, freakishly so. (However, it's not to say that they can't be bonded to anyone else, because they can. The first thing Little did this morning when he got up was to hug me and tell me that he loved me. <3)
It's hard not to go to the "bad place" when you think about the parents and the kids and stuff but I try to stay away from it. It's of no benefit to the kids if I'm envisioning punching out their parents everytime I see them! As much as I'd like to give the parents a piece of my mind...it's best to just smile and nod and encourage. Don't people say something about the hardest part of parenting is doing what's best for your kids?
I suggest everyone squeeze their kids extra tight today and remind them of how much you love them. Because, honestly, I don't think we can show them enough!!!!
The other week though, when Chad got home from picking up the kids, he was a little sad because Princess didn't want to come to him. Usually, after a visit, she clings to her mom a little bit and doesn't want to come to me but she'll go to Chad. That week, she didn't even want to go to Chad. The man was heartbroken! We're not disillusioned about who her parents are or anything...we know our role. And I reminded him that she doesn't really have a bad memory of her experience at home. For her, she's got a good memory of her parents...Big is the one with the bad memories. I mean, she's the baby and the only girl so she gets doted on whenever she's around her mom. So for Princess, it really is a little traumatic, despite how much she loves us. It's still a bummer though...I have to admit it. The first time she didn't want to come to me, a little piece of my heart was crushed too. *sigh*
It's crazy to see how bonded kids are to their biological parents despite having to be taken away from them. It doesn't matter what the situation is they came from, they'd rather be with their parents than anywhere else. We had these kids whose parent pretty much just gave up on them...packed up their things and was done with them. And the "things" the kids had had to remain on my porch overnight so I could freeze to death anything that might be living in their stuff. (That was a first and hopefully "only" for me!) You would think they'd be thrilled to be out of that situation...thrilled to have a hot bath and a nice warm bed...they were up half the night crying out for their mother. I mean, just screaming for mommy. (Consequently, I was up half the night crying too.) We've had kids who were left alone in their homes and who didn't have proper nutrition or clean places to live and they too desired to be with their parents. Even kids who had been smacked around some and who knew that was wrong...they still wished to be home. They were even willing to lie to cover stuff up so that their parents wouldn't get into trouble. They'd rather be home in the midst of all that craziness and wrongdoing than separated from their parents because that bond is just natural. Children are naturally bonded to their birthparents. Like, freakishly so. (However, it's not to say that they can't be bonded to anyone else, because they can. The first thing Little did this morning when he got up was to hug me and tell me that he loved me. <3)
It's hard not to go to the "bad place" when you think about the parents and the kids and stuff but I try to stay away from it. It's of no benefit to the kids if I'm envisioning punching out their parents everytime I see them! As much as I'd like to give the parents a piece of my mind...it's best to just smile and nod and encourage. Don't people say something about the hardest part of parenting is doing what's best for your kids?
I suggest everyone squeeze their kids extra tight today and remind them of how much you love them. Because, honestly, I don't think we can show them enough!!!!
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