Oy to the Vey

Oh, how I wish I could post a picture of what the kids are doing right now!  I'm pretty sure it's every parents dream for a morning where mommy is just plain over it.  No joke, Little and Princess are lying on the couch with pillows and blankets because Little has announced that "I ti-ahd!"  I'm not going to lie, it's bliss...so I'm stealing this opportunity to tell you that we have had QUITE the week...and it's only Thursday morning.  Oy to the Vey.
I drove 103.3 miles on Monday taking the children to school, babysitters, and appointments.  It was a very long day with short little stops at home here and there and it ended with me buying out the turnovers from Arby's in order to survive the last hour of errands.  Princess' carseat has never been stickier.  Oh wait, that wasn't the end.  The end was when Chad announced he found the source of the mysterious stink in our house...our sewere cap thingy in the front yard needed to be snaked.  Barf.  Tuesday was a visit day and it started out rough for Big and just continued on that way.  After the visit, things got ugly.  Big had such a meltdown that I wound up having to hold onto him for a long time...something I haven't had to do since the summer.  He finally calmed down long enough to eat and while he was having dinner, Princess came over to give him a hug and Big just started crying.  He looked so miserable and I asked him what was wrong and he just wailed "I miss my daaaadddd!"  Ugh.  The poor kid has not seen his dad for a few months now and we're not exactly sure when he'll get to see him again and it's just so hard on him.  I think one of the downsides of foster care is that you're not always allowed to tell the kids what's really going on.  You get to love them like they're your own, but you don't always get to treat them that way.  You have to be a little deceptive and I don't like that.  I don't like pretending I don't know what's going on when I do.  I would much rather be straight with Big but I can't and I know I can't because he's not "my" kid, he's not "normal" and he doesn't process information like the "average" kid...hence the outbursts.  On top of that, my caseworker and Big's mom would probably kill me ;) 
Anywho, Tuesday was also our quiet night so things perked up after that.  I'm excited for the challenge this year.  For all you who read this that don't attend our Church, every year our pastor presents us with a Spiritual Discipline Challenge.  Sometimes it's a book, sometimes we have to get off our butts and do stuff and this year it's to have one quiet night a week where there are no cell phones, tv, video games, facebook...nothing.  Just you and your families enjoying each other's company.  The kids can still play with their toys but we're encouraged to play with them more and to spend some quality time together.  I have to admit, it was pretty awesome.  It was just what I needed after the craziness of the evening and Chad and I had a great conversation and I got to read for awhile...it was lovely <3
Anywho, Wednesday was okay...just long.  And today, Little has decided he'd like to yell...a lot.  It's just one of those weeks.  I can't really blame the kids for being ornery.  They don't sleep well after a visit day and it just takes a little time to get all their little feelings out and get back to normal.  I can't even imagine what it's like to be inside their heads.  Some days/weeks are better than others and we're just trying to take it all in stride (trying being the opeartive word there.  I'm medicating with a little chocolate today).  I know they're anxious.  I mean, they never really know when they're going to get to see their parents or which one is going to be there.  There's no stability for them-even in a scheduled weekly visit.  It's just garbage.  It seems like the only thing they can be sure of is that they'll be disappointed again soon.  It's sad, but it's their reality-and the reality of so many other foster kids out there whose parents just aren't doing the things they need to be doing all the time.  I remember when I was taking the kids for a visit one time that there was another foster mom there who had brought her foster child up for his final visit with his parents because they had lost their rights and the birth dad didn't even show up.  It was heartbreaking.  Can you even imagine knowing it was the last time you were going to see your dad and then he didn't even come? 
There needs to be more foster parents out there to love these children through these tough times.  And there need to be more adoptive parents out there who refuse to pass over these kids just because they're a little troubled.  It's not their fault they're this way and they deserve loving parents and a good home just as much as the next kid-and maybe even a little bit more so because of all the hurt they've gone through.  Trust me, everytime they unexpectedly give you a hug and tell you they love you or look at you for a second and then smile and say 'mama'...they'll win you right over.  Both of those things happened to me today, and I've gotta tell ya...it made my week :)