These ties that bind...

Chad and I have a pretty good system.  The kids have a two hour visit these days and so when Chad can get out of work on time, we drop the kids off together and then we go out for dinner while they're visiting.  On weeks when he can't get out on time, then I drop off the kids and he picks them up so that we each get a little bit of alone time.  It's pretty awesome :)
The other week though, when Chad got home from picking up the kids, he was a little sad because Princess didn't want to come to him.  Usually, after a visit, she clings to her mom a little bit and doesn't want to come to me but she'll go to Chad.  That week, she didn't even want to go to Chad.  The man was heartbroken!  We're not disillusioned about who her parents are or anything...we know our role.  And I reminded him that she doesn't really have a bad memory of her experience at home.  For her, she's got a good memory of her parents...Big is the one with the bad memories.  I mean, she's the baby and the only girl so she gets doted on whenever she's around her mom.  So for Princess, it really is a little traumatic, despite how much she loves us.  It's still a bummer though...I have to admit it.  The first time she didn't want to come to me, a little piece of my heart was crushed too.  *sigh*
It's crazy to see how bonded kids are to their biological parents despite having to be taken away from them.  It doesn't matter what the situation is they came from, they'd rather be with their parents than anywhere else.  We had these kids whose parent pretty much just gave up on them...packed up their things and was done with them.  And the "things" the kids had had to remain on my porch overnight so I could freeze to death anything that might be living in their stuff.  (That was a first and hopefully "only" for me!)  You would think they'd be thrilled to be out of that situation...thrilled to have a hot bath and a nice warm bed...they were up half the night crying out for their mother.  I mean, just screaming for mommy.  (Consequently, I was up half the night crying too.)  We've had kids who were left alone in their homes and who didn't have proper nutrition or clean places to live and they too desired to be with their parents.  Even kids who had been smacked around some and who knew that was wrong...they still wished to be home.  They were even willing to lie to cover stuff up so that their parents wouldn't get into trouble.  They'd rather be home in the midst of all that craziness and wrongdoing than separated from their parents because that bond is just natural.  Children are naturally bonded to their birthparents.  Like, freakishly so.  (However, it's not to say that they can't be bonded to anyone else, because they can.  The first thing Little did this morning when he got up was to hug me and tell me that he loved me.  <3)
It's hard not to go to the "bad place" when you think about the parents and the kids and stuff but I try to stay away from it.  It's of no benefit to the kids if I'm envisioning punching out their parents everytime I see them!  As much as I'd like to give the parents a piece of my mind...it's best to just smile and nod and encourage.  Don't people say something about the hardest part of parenting is doing what's best for your kids?
I suggest everyone squeeze their kids extra tight today and remind them of how much you love them.  Because, honestly, I don't think we can show them enough!!!!