It seems like eeeevvvverybody has an opinion on foster care and for the most part, it's not good. I cannot even tell you all the times I have heard people griping about how foster parents are horrible and only in it for the money and how they don't actually care about the kids. Or all the news stories about a foster parent gone bad or kids who were in the system talking about how much their lives sucked while in foster care. Every once in a blue moon, you'll see a special guest story about a couple who've fostered a million kids over the years and sent them all to college or you'll see a story about siblings reunited and stuff like that but, for the most part, it's all bad news and horror stories. Don't get me wrong-there are definitely some things that need to be fixed. And not everyone who gets into foster care is in it for the right reasons. But the majority of people getting licensed are doing it because they love kids and they want to make a difference for them--not to make a quick buck (because, believe me, there's not really a ton of money in foster care). And honestly, who wants to read a news story titled "Foster mom almost stabbed by foster child's fork doesn't try to hit him back" or "Foster parents log 10,000 miles in six months taking kids to visits three days a week" Yawn. Both these things have happened to me and I don't even want to read about them.
The biggest problem I think people have is that they are ignorant of the system and what actually goes on in a foster home. It's so easy for people to get their undies in a bunch when they see a foster parent snap in the news or when they see kids going back to homes they really shouldn't be returning to, and trust me, I know those things shouldn't be happening either, but it's not just a little black and white world in foster care--there's a LOT of gray areas. I mean, we're talking about taking away someone's CHILD for the rest of their lives--it's going to get sticky!
Foster care is pretty much pass/fail. Sometimes kids are going to be going back to homes where the parents are pulling a solid D- in the parenting department because the law says that a D- is still passing. They'll put services galore in the home and keep as close an eye as possible and, unfortunately, that's the best they can do. They can't really pull a kid away from their family just because they think they'll have a crappy life. It's crappy, I know (believe me, I KNOW!) but until we reach full blown Big Brother status, it's just not going to happen that way.
And then there's the team of people working on the case. There are the foster parents and the GAL (a lawyer for the kids) who work solely for the kids and to protect their welfare. (I consider part of my job to help the kids maintain a good relationship with their parents though so Chad and I do what we can in that area.) Then there's a caseworker who has the incredibly difficult task of trying to serve the parents and protect the kids. It's not an easy job. Right now, our caseworker has a very gray and sticky situation where if she does her job for the kids, she might be causing a problem with the parents and if she does her job for the parents, she'll be hurting the kids. It's a tough situation, but luckily the GAL is there to help shed a little light-of-the-law on the situation so the right decision can be made. I think our GAL is currently handling over 200 cases and our caseworker can have up to 17 kids on her caseload as well. For a GAL, they have to observe the kids once every three months and keep in contact with the caseworker and then show up to court with a recommendation for a continuance or for termination. Our caseworker talks to me at least three times a week and she oversees the visits and the parents' drug screens and other services and she writes up all these super detailed reports and visits my house at least once a month-and that's just my case. She has many others as well.
We're fortunate that we have private agencies where we live and we didn't have to get licensed through Department of Human Services where the caseworkers are even more bogged down with cases and have less time to spend with you. The news stories about foster homes gone bad are usually licensed through DHS where there just isn't as much support or accountability. I love our agency. I love that the woman who licensed us will stalk me to get an update on how I'm doing and how when they sent us a recruitment check awhile back, she yelled at me because I spent it on the kids and not on a night out for Chad and I. I love that when our caseworker did her home visit last week, she asked if Chad and I were taking the time to get out together and if we had anyone who could watch the kids so we could go on dates. And I love that if I am FREAKING OUT about something that just happened, I can always get a hold of someone...even if it's after hours, because I have their cell phone numbers too. And I truly love that they all care so much about the kids that I can see them getting upset at situations right alongside us. They care SO MUCH. See, it's not all horror stories and disasters :)
People say ignorance is bliss. But I think ignorance in this case is the enemy. It breeds gossip and slander and it casts a bad light on a system that, though it has bad points, is as good as it's going to get for now. And I think if people are really so truly put off by the deplorableness of foster care, then they can pick up their phones and get licensed themselves. I'd love to see what they'd have to say then ;)
3 comments:
This is so true. Our first case was through DHS and I saw first hand how stretched they are with their caseload. I did keep in contact with our licensing worker through the private agency and she is awesome and asking us some of the same questions yours is asking you. Our foster daughter is now with her biological family and we are anxiously waiting for our next placement.
My name didn't come through on the first post. Kim Thompson
I think the news is very similar with regular parents, as in, they broadcast the bad the most. On Oprah alone in the last two weeks I have seen advertised at least 4 abuse/neglect stories and haven't seen one story about your average Christian family raising perfectly good kids. It just doesn't get the ratings up.
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