Well, I made it! I survived five and a half hours of recruiting Saturday and I didn't cry once and I only shared my tampon story with the people I was working with! I did, however, high-five one girl because our ovaries hate us. It wasn't so bad though. I was nervous about it all when I got there but there were other workers and stuff so it went pretty smoothly. It was kind of funny to watch people walk right past our table like we were going to force them to take some seriously troubled kid home with them THAT NIGHT if they dared make eye contact with us...or to have people laugh when we asked them if they'd ever thought about foster care. I was surprised at how many people were honestly interested in getting licensed though. It was really sweet to hear their stories. There were people who knew kids who had had horrible things happen to them-and they'd wished they'd been able to take the kids into their homes, but couldn't. There were people who couldn't have any more kids-or kids at all, like me- but who really wanted a big family. And there were people whose nests were now empty and they couldn't stand the quiet. It was quite the honor to be the token foster parent at the table because I was given the opportunity to answer a lot of questions and kind of reassure people that they won't just get kids dumped on them and then have no support. It was really a very good experience, and I look forward to being able to work with Open Hearts, Open Homes again in the future :)
So, things have been a little crazy around here lately. Most of what is going on I'm not allowed to post on here and it's killing me because I don't think there's any better look into the wide world of foster care than what we're dealing with right now. Let's just say that life is very up and down around here right now...and a little tense. There are some big decisions to be made soon and some of the steps involved in making those decisions are going to come down to the wire, it seems. It's just got to be so difficult to be a parent of a kid in foster care, or the caseworker, or the therapist. I recently got to sit in on some of the work that goes on "behind the scenes" and it was obvious to me that I had no clue just how much work these people are all doing for these kids. I could never do their jobs. Never. I would cry every stinking night.
On a much lighter subject, Little is potty training! Let me tell ya, it's special. We have a sticker chart up in the bathroom downstairs and he gets a sticker everytime he's still dry when it's time to use the potty again. And he won't just let us take his word that he's dry. He yells "touch it" until one of us awkwardly pats his undies and says "Yup, that's dry. Good job!" He's been doing pretty well at staying dry all day. He's only wearing a diaper at naptime and bedtime-which I think is pretty amazing after only a week of serious training. He hasn't quite gotten the hang of being able to tell us when it's time to go yet, but we're getting there!
Big is trying to give me gray hair despite the fact I just got all mine colored. I know he's going through a difficult phase right now and that most of his actions are the result of anxiety that's triggered by who knows what, but it's still proving to be a true test of just how much I love that kid. He's been here eight months now, which is a long stinking time in his short little life, and I feel like maybe he's fighting some natural feelings of attachment. Like, we're at the point now that he's been here long enough that he's starting to really think of me as more of a mom (hence, the other day, when I was trying to get the boys to call me 'Melissa' instead of 'Lee-sa' like they usually do, and I asked Big what my name was and he said 'mom' as if it was the only thing he's ever called me) but, at the same time, his visits with his mom are getting increased and so he's seeing her more and he just doesn't know who to be allegiant to. I'm with him all the time and I'm currently raising him, so on the one hand, I'm the natural choice for "mother figure" in his life right now but on the OTHER hand, there's his mom, spending more time with him, doing better and he's had her for five years, so she's also a natural choice for "mother figure" and so who's he going to side with? The thing is, he doesn't have to choose a side-but I think he feels like he does. And I think it's really bugging him and so he's acting all weird and I'm going to die soon if it doesn't stop. Poor kid, he's just got so much turmoil in him and I can't wait for the day when it all stops. Little does he know, but he gets to see his dad later today. He hasn't seen him in almost four months and he's going to freaking explode with excitement when he sees him later :)
Alright, that's all I have time for now. The little two are napping and Big is looking at books and so I need to take advantage of this very quiet time. Shouldn't he be at school, you ask? Yes, yes he should. But when a kid gets into so much trouble that he's sent home for the day, they get to look at books in a chair facing the corner until the end of the school day. Mondays are always fun :)
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